Feeling a nauseating mix of conflicted emotions, I found the right word to describe my physical state.
That is the right word.
Like my heart is barfing in my chest.
I had never considered the word in that sense before, but from where I sit, it fits.
And in the interval between paragraphs, while wondering whether there was any value in verbally vomiting the melange of emotions that currently feel like they are being retched out of my cardiovascular system (and by that, I mean procrastinating), I came across a random old meme I had saved to a cellphone, attributing the lines “We create our own unhappiness. The purpose of our suffering is to help us understand we are the ones who cause it,” to Willie Nelson, in his book The Tao of Willie.
Now I have some Willie-wisdom to ponder along with my heart-barf. Like wondering what, if anything, Mr. Nelson suggests we do about it. And wondering how I got memed into a state of heart-barf contemplation. I have a lot to ponder.
So far, my only firm conclusion has been “Golly, life is strange.”
My mind is blown.
…but I think my heart just stopped barfing.
Golly, life is strange.