L Resorts To A-ing My Own Qs, #5, I Think, But Maybe A Different Number, What Do I Look Like, A Number Counting Person?

Q: Why is it that I am making up questions to answer instead of sleeping like a person?

A: If I knew the answer to the latter part of my question, I would be asleep now, wouldn’t I?

Q: Why am I answering a question with a question?

A: Man, my perpetual impatience with people who take their time responding is annoying. I wasn’t done answering, and I was going to answer my question with a question and then a statement.

Q: Uh, I guess to make this a “Q” I have to respond in the interrogative… I’m sorry?

A: In A to your Q, Q, I am making up questions to answer because (a) It amuses me; (b) A question is necessary to carry on with this Q & A format; and (c) My mom’s a question!

Q: What does that even mean, “My mom’s a question?”

A: Not for the first nor last time, Q: Shut yer face.













© Lisa Hurley

L Attempts to A Your Qs, #4

Q: If not now, when?

A: I suppose, strictly in terms of possible times, putting aside the physics stuff that is ordinarily a bit outside my realm of expertise, and is even more so now due to a lack of sleep scrambling my brain, about how time may not really exist, or at least I think that is a thing, I have lost my grip on more tangible reality due to insomnia, much less faintly recalled concepts I read about at some point in time (not now, so in keeping with your question), if now is not when, that leaves two possibilities. Before now, or after now. Unless it is a thing that may or may not happen, like sleep, in which case never is an option…but is never really a time? Is this about time? Does time exist? Yes, yes it does, because if there was no time then it would not be ungodly early and I would not be composing such fully incoherent run-on sentences…or maybe if time didn’t exist it would forever be early and midday and late all at once always, which is a bit what being perpetually awake is like anyway, oh my god I am physics I have broken through the constraints of linear time through my crappy superpower of sleeplessness, I am eternity, bow down before me, you lesser well-rested beings!

Does that answer your question? My guess is no, but I am willing to admit I am not really the best judge of things that aren’t timeless infinities since I have realized I am physics.













© Lisa Hurley

L Attempts To A Your Qs, #3

Q: Why does fluff love peanut butter? Do u have to be from Btown to love it?

A: Fluff and Peanut Butter met during Spring Break in Tijuana back in ’77. They were young, free, and inebriated, and due to consuming copious amounts of tequila, they are a little hazy on the details of how this came to be, but they woke up the next morning with the worst hangovers of their respective lives, nuzzled between two pieces of bread. Not an unusual occurrence during spring break, except for the outcome: though the bread twins made their excuses and left immediately upon waking, Peanut Butter and Fluff hung out in the room and talked for a long time. They realized they both had a lot of things in common: both were having a hard time fitting in at universities where most of the students were not sandwich spreads, both were children of divorce, both had had crushes on The Fonz when they were kids. Peanut Butter and Fluff eventually left the room to find some churros and a little hair of the dog that bit them. Though both agreed that after their parents’ messy divorces, they weren’t interested in marriage, they have been in a long-term-but-open relationship ever since. (Look, we all know Peanut Butter gets around – jelly, jam, hell, even celery; and both enjoy bringing a piece of bread or two into the mix on a pretty regular basis). They have two children, a peanut and a marshmallow, who are probably going to grow up to have pretty puritanical values due to the hedonistic environment in which they are being raised, but maybe they will take it all in stride and turn out reasonably well-adjusted.
By and large, Fluff and Peanut Butter live a happy, unremarkable existence, with the notable exception of Fluff briefly being cast in the role of “Jenna” in an unaired “30 Rock” pilot, before being replaced by Rachel Dratch, who was in turn replaced by Jane Krakowski.
Peanut Butter and Fluff have a summer home in the Berkshires, which may explain their popularity in not-too-distant Boston, but they are loved by romantic spring breakers and polyamorous people everywhere.













© Lisa Hurley

L Resorts To A-ing My Own Qs, #3

Q: If I am so tired, why don’t I take a nap?

A:  My mom’s a nap!

Q: Does nonsensically insulting my deceased mother really seem like an appropriate response to a perfectly rational question?

A: Maybe not, but it just felt right.













© Lisa Hurley

L Resorts To A-ing My Own Qs, #2

Q:  Given my current mental state, and generally possessing the maturity level of a twelve-year-old boy, should I expect this, being installment #2, to include some sort of potty humor?

A: Way to rain on my poop joke parade, me.















© Lisa Hurley

L Resorts To A-ing My Own Qs, #1

Q: Would you say that maybe eating and sleeping like a person might prevent this sort of senseless corruption of the advice column format?

A: I think I raise a really good question there, me. My question is flawed, however, as my body would need to be capable of doing things that most humans can accomplish unconsciously.













© Lisa Hurley